Discovering a Work-Life Balance

Posted on | July 13, 2009 | No Comments

There are days I feel like a speeding train. I imagine my list of to-do’s as a pile of cafeteria trays. I pull one off and another pops up. I can’t work fast enough, and I feel that I have an unending list. I find myself constantly looking at my computer or my iPhone. My kids and husband have noticed that I am glued to my devices.

This past weekend, I decided not to look at my e-mail. What a shock!

The first thing I noticed was the buzz I usually get when I think about what work I need to do—but this time there was nowhere to focus that energy. The next thing that I noticed was that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wandered aimlessly around the house. My life for many years has been filled by what my kids wanted to do or by my incessant compulsion to be on the computer and working. But now I was taking a break from work, and my kids, who are now in their late teens and early 20s, have their own lives (how dare they?!), so I couldn’t fill my time with their sporting events or other demands.

That first day was a bit uncomfortable. I imagined that, in some small way, I was feeling what addicts must experience as they go through withdrawal. But as I hung in through the zone of confusion, I found myself asking, “What do I want to do?”

It took a good part of the day before I settled in. Letting myself think about what would make me happy or feel good was unfamiliar but strangely enticing. I wanted a plan! I kept asking my husband what he wanted to do. He kept saying he wasn’t sure. I watched him throughout the long weekend, and realized that he simply stays in the moment and decides as he goes. Interesting, I thought. For all my years training facilitators on being “present,” I was finding myself unable to just be present with the time and space I had created.

I decided to adopt the “figure out as I go” strategy. Amazingly, the weekend began to unfold. I found myself wanting to take a walk, sit outside, go out to dinner, visit with my parents, go to a movie. At one point, I just sat on the grass and watched the world. Calm descended. I found myself talking to my husband and my kids… and really listening. My mind had stopped looking for the next thing to do or what I “should be doing.” It was a wonderful, relaxing weekend.

When I got up Monday morning and went to the computer. I was surprised that nothing earth shattering had happened. The world was just at it was. Nothing that didn’t get done really mattered. It could all get done this week—or not, actually.

People are looking for ways to slow down. There are tons of books, websites and other resources for how we can organize ourselves. But the truth is, many of us have to just turn off the machines. Take a break… and see what it is we are afraid of being with. It may be just the empty space that’s there when we’re not working. But if you let yourself be in that empty space, you may find yourself. I did.

Category: work life balance
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