Good News is Hard to Hear

Posted on | September 24, 2009 | 4 Comments

One of the things that amazes me is the difficulty we humans have with accepting good news. How many times have you found yourself sloughing off a compliment or downplaying an accomplishment? I see this all the time as I coach executives or facilitate conversations. People offer positive comments and the recipients disregard them or downplay them. Why is that? Maybe an even better question is, what can we do to improve our ability to take in good information?

First, accept the notion that positive information is important. It helps us understand what we do well. It gives us data about where we are being successful. It motivates us and gives us a sense of success and positive impact. Without positive information we don’t know what we are doing that works, and we deprive ourselves of a sense of accomplishment.

Here’s a recent example:

I was in the middle of an executive coaching session when I said, “Wow, you’ve made a lot of progress.” My client responded that my compliment “sounds so disingenuous.” When I inquired further, she explained that when people give her positive feedback she discounts it. As we talked more she revealed that, because she wants to be further along in her career, she feels that the progress she has made doesn’t count.

I asked my client to imagine that she was holding in one hand the progress she has made, and in the other hand the progress she wants to make. I asked her how she felt. She said that she felt balanced and encouraging. She felt motivated to do more. And she realized that in discounting her accomplishments and only focusing on the need for more work, she was discouraging herself.

In addition, one statement alone is not the full truth. She had indeed made progress but she wanted more! Both statements were true, and noticing the positive was a motivating factor.

So the next time someone offers you a compliment, take it in. Make sure you ask for the specifics. A general statement such as “good job!” is not enough information. Ask what was good about the work you did. Ask for the concrete, specific details. This helps you know precisely what you did that was perceived as helpful. Do not discount the information or comment. Pay attention to the feeling you have when you allow yourself to take in the positive comments and details.

If you can do nothing else, simply say “Thank you.” Watch your reaction even to that. Are you uncomfortable? Do you have a desire to ignore it or brush it off? Resist the urge. Ask yourself what is true about the statement made to you. Let yourself feel the positive impact of receiving a compliment. Take a moment to savor the moment and see what happens.

As always, I encourage you to share your experiences with accepting compliments or positive feedback. Powerful stories are helpful to all our readers! I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Comments

• More About Powerful Work

  Visit the Powerful Work Website

• Recent Posts

  • Reduce Your Stress
  • Can You Challenge and Still Be Collaborative?? (Part 1)
  • Three Secrets to Making the Right Hire
  • How to Use Praise Effectively in Business
  • Mindfulness in Practice

• Categories

  • career advice
  • conflict strategies
  • difficult conversations
  • facilitation
  • Uncategorized
  • work communication
  • work life balance