As per the study mentioned earlier, many employees attribute most of the conflict they experience to personality clashes and egos. This attribution is echoed in my experience as an organizational development consultant, mediator, and coach. Unlike a study, my work has allowed me to delve deep into situational conflicts and explore the dynamics at work. What I’ve learned is that most conflict is not caused by personality differences, but as a result of:

1. Misaligned or misunderstood goals (working at cross purposes)
2. Unclear roles
3. Unclear processes or procedures

In my 34 years of working in and with organizations, never have I seen personalities as the root problem. Someone’s behavior may be troublesome, and people often ascribe behavior to a personality problem—but this may or may not be true.

Moving from observing behavior to analyzing someone’s personality is dangerous, inappropriate and beyond most of our skill sets. Furthermore, we have almost no control over someone’s personality, so the endeavor to label it as problematic puts us in a no-win situation.

Rather than look at personalities, we need to look at the situation. As a mediator and consultant, I start to dig deeper when people say that the problem is “the other person’s personality.” I ask them to go back to observable behaviors: “What is happening in concrete, specific terms?”

I often ask people to laboriously detail events and processes. 99% of the time, people discover that it is not the other person’s personality that’s the problem but rather a misunderstanding, confusion, or a difference of opinion about goals, expectations, roles, or processes. These are easier to remedy (though not always) and much less likely to be emotionally loaded.

It behooves us, as managers, to not only resolve conflict but to prevent it. Each of us—whether we are leaders, managers or co-workers—can help. Here’s how:

1. Increase time spent on start-up processes. When a new project begins or a new hire is on boarded, spend the upfront time to be clear about the job, including goals, expectations, roles, authority level, decision making, reporting lines, communication requirements, and troubleshooting processes. Be meticulous about the start-up process. It’s a big investment of time, often resisted by busy managers, but it’s well worth it if it increases trust and productivity, speeds the learning curve and prevents problems later. And it will!
2. Deal with problems quickly. As soon as a problem surfaces, long before it becomes a conflict, deal with it. It should be managed quickly. The earlier you intervene the easier it will be to straighten out.
3. Keep your eye on the facts. Do not start analyzing or attributing motivation. Assume good intentions if anything. Delve into the situation, asking questions to discover people’s understanding of the goals, of their roles and the role of others, and review work processes. Get details and keep it objective. Focus on the problems and dynamics, not the people.
4. Get people together. Listening to one side or the other sets up triangulation. Bring the parties together and help THEM talk this out. Guide them, help them communicate well. With all parties in the room you have more details and more perspectives, and people are held responsibility for what they are saying. Co-workers need to learn how to talk through issues together. (You can use Step 3 as your guide for topics.)
5. Take ownership. We all have a part in any situation in which we are involved. Look for your contribution and be willing to do something about it. If you are a manger don’t back off from saying what you want or stating that a decision is yours to make. Sometimes employees are clashing because you have not been clear or decisive. Step up and ask others to do the same.

She asked me, as a facilitator and meeting designer, how to make her team meetings more productive. Typically I would talk about designing good conversations and structuring thorough dialogue—but in this case, my client’s description of the low morale made me think about the situation differently. This group was focusing on all the negative aspects of work and on the gap between what was needed and their limited resources. So I made a suggestion to my client: She was to begin each meeting by asking each person to share something they were proud of accomplishing in the previous week. She agreed reluctantly to try the technique for one month, though the suggestion certainly hadn’t been what she had hoped I would offer!

A month later she called to say that opening her meetings with that question had dramatic effects on the staff and the meetings. She reported that at first people were a bit reluctant to answer and had a hard time even finding answers. But she held firm and waited for each person to respond. She said they got better at answering each week. And as the month went on, she and her staff were shocked to realize how much they were accomplishing and how good it felt to recognize it. They noticed that, having acknowledged successes, they could take on the other meeting topics in a more positive fashion. They started seeing them as opportunities and challenges instead of weighty, unsolvable problems. Overall, my client reported that people were feeling more successful and energized.

This story is another example of how we forget to acknowledge the good things and how programmed we are to solve problems. Problem solving is great and, in fact, essential—but dealing with problems can be demoralizing if we never look at our accomplishments.

Acknowledging good work, progress and successes builds energy and enthusiasm. Why keep plugging away if the only reward is feeling bad? Find ways to regularly acknowledge positive contributions and progress. Starting your meetings this way is only one solution. Try it and see what happens.

Stay tuned, and I will give some other suggestions in my next blog. If you have any suggestions for acknowledging positive accomplishments, I’d love to hear them—and I am sure other readers would, too. Please leave your comments.

When job hunting, most people focus on impressing an employer. They tend to overlook that the interview is an opportunity for them to evaluate whether this job and the organization will be a good fit for them. Clients often ask me, “How do I know if the workplace is a good one? How do I know if it’s right for me?” Here’s how:

• First, know yourself. Take a self-inventory. What are your interests, talents and skills? What kind of worker are you? Do you need quiet and solitude? Do you prefer teamwork and a busy office? What kind of balance do you have or seek to have in work and life? What would an ideal workplace look like to you? Ask yourself these questions and know what you want before you go into an interview. Then, arm yourself with a list of questions about the workplace that you want answered.
• Second, watch how you are treated as an applicant. How an employer treats you during the hiring phase will be indicative of how they treat their employees in the work place. Notice how timely they are in response to your application, how you are invited to interview, how you are greeted, how they treat you and how comfortable you are. All of these are an indication of how the organization is run and what it might feel like to work there.
• Third, observe the workplace. Notice what is happening around you. Look at other employees. Do they look happy, well rested, and energetic? What does the physical layout look like? Is it conducive to your work style? Does it support interactions and work flow? What’s the mood like? How are people dressed? What are they doing? Take a look around for cartoons. Often the cartoons have themes that may tell you something about the culture.
• Fourth, ask probing questions to find out if the place and the job meet your requirements. Find out what’s expected of you, who your boss is, what their style is, who else you will be working with, what the hours are, etc. Ask about the culture and traditions. A good question to ask is about retention. How much turnover is there? Watch not just for the answer but also how comfortable the employer is with answering that question. Do they appear to be open and proud of the information or are they getting defensive?
• Fifth, tell the truth. It’s important to tell a prospective employer about yourself honestly. They need to know who you are and what kind of an employee you will be. Being frank and open about your skills, talents and needs is an important part of being sure that you are a good fit for the employer. You want them to get a positive picture of you, but it needs to be an honest self-assessment too.
• Sixth, ask to spend a day or half day in the workplace before you accept a position. This is a very important step. Be sure to spend time interacting with your future colleagues. Find some time to interact with them and ask some questions: What do you like and dislike about the workplace? What’s the best thing about working at the organization? What’s something you would change? What is the management style? Another good question to ask is, “If I was your best friend, what would you tell me to make sure that I am successful here?” Your future coworkers are often the most likely to give you a more accurate picture of what the work environment will be like.

Finally, find people who work at the organization through other channels and set up a time to talk to them. Get their opinions of the work environment. These are often good conversations because they are outside the interviewing process and people may feel freer to talk candidly when they are away from work.

Finding a job isn’t easy, especially in the current economic environment. And finding the right job at the right place can be even more difficult. But finding a job that fits is essential if you are going to be a happy, productive and engaged employee. It’s worth the little extra effort it takes to find out if that job is the right fit. By knowing yourself, asking the right questions and observing the workplace, you can find the job and the workplace that is right for you.