We all share that fear, and it often drives us to over-facilitate or too feel overly responsible. In meetings, we are busy making ourselves look useful or helpful, or showing that we know something. But those behaviors are about us and not about the group’s needs. Our job as facilitators is to serve our clients’ needs.

If this dynamic sounds familiar to you, try the following exercise:

1. Define competence. What is competent?? List what you man by that. Don’t just list a few, try to list them all. Keep writing until you start to feel it’s silly. If you dig deep enough you find you have some funny beliefs driving you, and those need to be examined.
2. What’s driving you? When you look at the list, what sticks out? What is motivating your actions?? The need to be the expert? Fear of making a mistake? Of getting fired??
Examine your own motivation. Then move to step 3.
3. Decide what is in the best interest of the group. Ask yourself, how does my doing these things help the group build its own self-responsibility or capacity to resolve its own issues? What are a good facilitator’s goals? How am I supporting the group’s goals? Align your behavior with the outcomes you want for the group.
4. Make it manageable. Is it possible to achieve all those standards?? If you had to throw three quarters of the list out, what would you save?

As always, I’d love to hear your reactions or any tips you have for facilitators to help them and their groups be more successful.

One technique is to create a visual representation of the group on a piece of paper and keep it by you. Here’s how to create the picture and how to use it:

1. Imagine people at a table. Take a piece of paper and draw a circle on it.
2. Place the name of each person who is on the call around the circle.
3. Be sure everyone checks in at the beginning of the call to get them present and known to everyone else in the meeting
4. As people talk, put a check mark next to their name
5. As the conversation progresses be sure to check who has spoken and who has not. Be sure to include people in the conversation who have not yet spoken or are joining in less than others.
6. Stop halfway through the meeting and check to see how the participants are doing. Ask if there is anything, in regard to being on the phone, they need before proceeding
7. At the end, do a quick check out with everyone to see how the meeting went and be sure to ask for any further suggestions to improve future calls.

Creating a picture of the group and noting their names will help you both visualize and remember who is on the call. Over time, you will find that your meetings feel more inclusive. If you ask for suggestions for improvement and follow them, you will undoubtedly find even more ways to make these virtual meetings efficient and productive.